First: Instead of thinking “What will I talk about?” Think “How can I get the other person talking?” Because, according to research from Harvard neuroscientist Diana Tamir, when someone gets the chance to talk about themselves it triggers the same pleasurable sensation in the brain as food or money. So how can you accomplish that?

Ask for someone’s advice: According to FBI behavior expert Robin Dreeke, seeking advice is the number one way to build a bond with people because most of us WANT to feel appreciated and respected. And when someone validates us by asking for our opinion or advice, we automatically like them more.

So what’s the biggest turn-off if you’re trying to connect with someone? Correcting or contradicting them. According to neuropsychologists, when people hear things that contradict their beliefs, the logical part of their brain shuts down and their brain prepares to fight.